My dearest God Sister sent this joke to me and I thought of posting it for your reading pleasure.......
A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom cupboard to watch. The woman's husband also comes home.
She puts her lover in the cupboard, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.
The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a football."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "£250"
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the cupboard together.
Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have football boots."
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"
Boy - "£750"
Man - "Sold."
A few days later, the boys' father says to the boy, "Grab your boots and football, let's go outside and have a game of soccer.
The boy says, "I can't, I sold my ball and boots."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
Boy -"£1,000."
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that.That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that SHIT again. You're in MY cupboard now"
2every1 his/her OWN....................
Sunday, May 13, 2007
WTF??
Office Phrases
Ever wondered what if FYI, FYA and so on? well below are some of the commonly used phrases and their actual meaning...........read, remember and use them wisely....
1) For your information (FYI) -I don't know what to do with this, so please keep it.
2) For your action (FYA) - I don't know what to do with this, so I'm passing this shit to you.
3) Noted and returned - I don't know what to do with this, so please keep it for a while.
4) Review and comment - Do the dirty work so that I can forward it and sign off with my name.
5) Action please - Get yourself involved. Don't worry, I'll claim the credit.
6) For your necessary action - It's your headache now. Woohoo!!!
7) CC to - Here's a share of the headache.
8) BCC to - I'm telling someone important that I'm working and sharing the headache with you.
9) For your approval, please - Put your neck on the chopping board for me please.
10) Action is being taken and will revert in due time - I lost your correspondence and still trying to locate it. Bother me next week!!!
11) Please discuss - I don't know what this is all about. So please brief me.
12) For your immediate action - Do it NOW! Or we'll all get into trouble!!!
13) Please reply soon - Please be efficient. It makes me look inefficient because of you!
14) I am investigating/ processing your request with the relevant departments - They are causing the delay, not me!
15) Thanks & Regards - Thanks for reading all this bullshit.
2every1 his/her OWN.................
OOOooops....and to all the mums out there...HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!
3 Minute Management Course
Been quite busy lately to blog....just got back home from US and Jakarta and found me some time to post. Neways, below are some tips on Management titled "The 3 Minute Management course"
LESSON 1
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you USD$100 to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her USD$100 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies.
"Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the USD$100 he owes me ?"
Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders or partners in time , you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
LESSON 2
A priest offered a Nun a lift.. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. After changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest apologised "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
LESSON 3
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."
Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Puff! She's gone.
Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Puff! He's gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
LESSON 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"
The eagle answered: "Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very fucking high up.
LESSON 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating so me more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story: Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
LESSON 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing
for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Moral of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
This concludes The 3 Minute Management course.....2 every1 his/her OWN!!!!
Sunday, April 08, 2007
Reflections..........
The House of 1000 Mirrors
Long ago in a small, far away village, there was a place known as the House of 1000 Mirrors.
A small, happy little dog learned of this place and decided to visit. When he arrived, he bounced happily up the stairs to the doorway of the house. He looked through the doorway with his ears lifted high and his tail wagging as fast as it could. To his great surprise, he found himself staring at 1000 other happy little dogs with their tails wagging just as fast as his. He smiled a great smile, and was answered with 1000 great smiles just as warm and friendly.
As he left the house, he thought to himself, "This is a wonderful place. I will come back and visit it often."
In this same village, another little dog, who was not quite as happy as the first one, decided to visit the house. He slowly climbed the stairs and hung his head low as he looked into the door. When he saw the 1000 unfriendly looking dogs staring back at him, he growled at them and was horrified to see 1000 little dogs growling back at him.
As he left, he thought to himself, "That is a horrible place, and I will never go back there again."
All the faces in the world are mirrors. What kind of reflections do you see in the faces of the people you meet everyday?
2every1 his/her own..............................
Monday, April 02, 2007
Sharing
Just got to know of a hack...a Google hack to be exact....
With the "so called" hack you can locate the parent directory of any files, music or movies minus the extra super long down load time.
Give it a try...go to Google home page....type the below in the search box :
"parent directory " name of file -xxx -html -htm -php -shtml -opendivx -md5 -md5sums
example : "parent directory " shakira mp3 -xxx -html -htm -php -shtml -opendivx -md5 -md5sums
Dunno if you can locate free porn or not....didnt try...I very holy person maaaaa.
Neways.....enjoy and have fun....
2every1 his/her own
