Tuesday, May 15, 2007

My First Time

Any of you guys/gals remember your FIRST time? For me it was eternal bliss...ahhhhhh....I truly remembered MY FIRST TIME ..........................

It was my first time ever

And I'll never forget

I'd do it again

Without a single regret

The sky was dark

The moon was high

We were all alone

Just she and I

Her hair was soft

Her eyes were blue

I knew just what

She wanted to do

Her skin so soft

Her legs so fine

I ran my fingers

Down her spine

I didn't know how

But I tried my best

I started by placing

My hands on her breast

I remember my fear

My fast beating heart

But slowly she spread

Her legs apart

And when I did it

I felt no shame

All at once

The white stuff came

At last it's finished

It's all over now

My first time ever .................

At milking a cow............

2every1 his/her OWN........

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Business School

What they don't teach you at Business School....

Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office very much, but she belonged to someone else...

One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, "I'll give you a $100 if you let me screw you. But the girl said NO.

Johnny said, "I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up. "

She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend... So she called her boyfriend and told him the story.

Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for $200, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down."

So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and asks what happened.

She responded, "THE BASTARD USED COINS!"

Management lesson:
Always consider a proposal in its entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed!

Three guesses to you guys to figure out where ( meaning which business organization ) I learnt the above ( didn't literally got screwed in the arse )...hehehehehe...easy only maaaa......

2every1 his/her OWN.....................

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Sunday, May 13, 2007


My dearest God Sister sent this joke to me and I thought of posting it for your reading pleasure.......

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom cupboard to watch. The woman's husband also comes home.

She puts her lover in the cupboard, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.
The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a football."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "£250"

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the cupboard together.
Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have football boots."
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"
Boy - "£750"
Man - "Sold."

A few days later, the boys' father says to the boy, "Grab your boots and football, let's go outside and have a game of soccer.
The boy says, "I can't, I sold my ball and boots."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
Boy -"£1,000."
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that.That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that SHIT again. You're in MY cupboard now"

2every1 his/her OWN....................

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Office Phrases

Ever wondered what if FYI, FYA and so on? well below are some of the commonly used phrases and their actual meaning...........read, remember and use them wisely....

1) For your information (FYI) -I don't know what to do with this, so please keep it.

2) For your action (FYA) - I don't know what to do with this, so I'm passing this shit to you.

3) Noted and returned - I don't know what to do with this, so please keep it for a while.

4) Review and comment - Do the dirty work so that I can forward it and sign off with my name.

5) Action please - Get yourself involved. Don't worry, I'll claim the credit.

6) For your necessary action - It's your headache now. Woohoo!!!

7) CC to - Here's a share of the headache.

8) BCC to - I'm telling someone important that I'm working and sharing the headache with you.

9) For your approval, please - Put your neck on the chopping board for me please.

10) Action is being taken and will revert in due time - I lost your correspondence and still trying to locate it. Bother me next week!!!

11) Please discuss - I don't know what this is all about. So please brief me.

12) For your immediate action - Do it NOW! Or we'll all get into trouble!!!

13) Please reply soon - Please be efficient. It makes me look inefficient because of you!

14) I am investigating/ processing your request with the relevant departments - They are causing the delay, not me!

15) Thanks & Regards - Thanks for reading all this bullshit.

2every1 his/her OWN.................

OOOooops....and to all the mums out there...HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!

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3 Minute Management Course

Been quite busy lately to blog....just got back home from US and Jakarta and found me some time to post. Neways, below are some tips on Management titled "The 3 Minute Management course"

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.

Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you USD$100 to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.

After a few seconds, Bob hands her USD$100 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"

"It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies.

"Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the USD$100 he owes me ?"

Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders or partners in time , you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

A priest offered a Nun a lift.. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. After changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"

The priest apologised "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."

Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."

Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Puff! She's gone.

Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Puff! He's gone.

"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"

The eagle answered: "Sure, why not."

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very fucking high up.


A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating so me more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing
for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Moral of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

This concludes The 3 Minute Management course.....2 every1 his/her OWN!!!!

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