Saturday, June 30, 2007

All For 1 and 1 for ALL

Most of us are having a tough and hectic time lately.....some are working day and night just to get things done.....personal and family sacrifices are being made but sometimes amidst the chaos and pain, the thoughts of "are the sacrifices worth it" will start to creep into my mind....

Dividens, Bonuses and Incentives are no doubt "good" carrots to dangle but bear in mind that everything will boil down to the over rated word called "profit". Many a time a lot of us has been let down by this word......many a time when it comes to year end, the company will let out a holla and say " sorry guys/gals, we know you worked you butt off this year BUT there was no profitability blah, blah,blah"....SHHHEEEEEEESSH!

Can't do much as it is a company's prerogative to distribute bonuses or incentives to the employees.......a lot of us has actually learnt to accept this as a fact every year end ( hopefully it doesn't become habitual ).

As for me, I know that with a growing company comes the rising cost of capital employed and expenditure(s). Albeit all that, let me say that it is not an easy pill to swallow.......especially when you know that you have poured your guts out and grinded your butt off to achieve / complete a certain project or assigned work.

Let's hope hard and pray hard that this year will be extra special for each and everyone of us.............

2 every1 his/her OWN

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Friday, June 29, 2007

Famous Quotes for Alcohol


Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams . If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
~ Jack Handy
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. "
~Frank Sinatra
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~ Henny Youngman
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not"
~ Stephen Wright
"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"
~ Brian O'Rourke
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
~ Benjamin Franklin
"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."
~ Dave Barry
To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!
~ Dave Howell
And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers One afternoon to his buddy Norm about the Buffalo Theory. Here's how it went:
"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."
To end this Famous Quotes thingy, below are some examples of Famous Warnings :
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you ( when they are actually laughing AT you )
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex.

2 every1 his/her OWN.........GO FIGURE!

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The Pain, the pain...sigh!

Sigh!!!!! have to go to Sudan again next choice as its part of a deal I made in exchange for approved leave for me to take wifey on a shopping binge in Bangkok.

Wifey has been making snide remarks for some time now....remarks like:
You still remember your sons?
You remember their names?
Can you recognize your sons if you see them?

Wah Lau Eh...really kena cha kaulat from much so that my balls are starting to hurt!

I don't really blame her though...have been travelling a lot these 2 months and seldom at home. I can imagine her face when I tell her that I have to go to Sudan in order for me to take her to Bangkok...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....

Neways, thats part of my scope of work as a lorry driver which is loosely translated to = Jack"ass" Of All Trades and Master Of None...

Hope everything turns out well....wish me luck dude and dudettes...

2 every1 his/her OWN.........................

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Monday, June 25, 2007


Below is a sample Memo for training....maybe some company in question would like to use it as a reference since ISO says that ALL the employees have to undergo yearly improvement training. It is understood that most of the companies in question has an allocated budget for training right? Neways, read the below and enjoy cause anyone of us might be getting the Memo very soon..................
Memo to All Employess
The Management has decided that in order to ensure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T). We are trying to give our employees more S.H.I.T than anyone else.
If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T on the course, please see your supervisor. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T list and our supervisors are especially skilled at seeing you get all the S.H.I.T you can handle.

Employees who don't take their S.H.I.T will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T) .

Those who fail to take D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T.S.H.I.T).

Since our supervisors took S.H.I.T before they were promoted, they don't have to do S.H.I.T anymore because they are full of S.H.I.T already.

If you are full of S.H.I.T , you may be interested in a job teaching others. We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LIST of LEADERS (B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T).

For employees who are intending to pursue a career in management and consulting, we will refer you to the department of MANAGERIAL OPERATIONAL RESEARCH EDUCATION (M.O.R.E.S.H.I.T) This course emphasizes how to manage M.O.R.E.S.H.I.T.

If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TEACHING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T.S.H.I.T) .



circular copy extended to:
The Director Under the Main Bureau of Super High Intensity Training.
(The D.U.M.B.S.H.I.T).

Please enroll yourselves as soon as possible if you are interested ( I have had my fair share of S.H.I.T!!! )

Thank you for taking the time to read this Memo.....2 every1 his/her OWN

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Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Uniquely Singapore

Back to Singapore after countless years since my last visit to the Republic....last visit was when I was 5 years old ( thank God ).

Can't really comment on the changes because I do not have any recollection of the K-land of years gone by but noticed that the K culture ( as commented by many ) is quite rampant here ( K = Kiasu ).

There is no difference in looks of people here in Kiasu Land compared with Bolehland as we were a part of each other during days bygone....dressing wise the chicks here look quite nice and presentable, some even down right stunning! I understand from some K-Land friends that 95% of the chicks here are quite materialistic in nature.......$$$$$$ sign thats precedence above all else....hehehehe...meaning which if you've got the dough, you've got the cunt.....its not fair for me to comment on this matter because I have no plans to tackle any Singaporean chicks at the moment or in the near future.

Just to let you guys know that I got pissed off 5 minutes after stepping out from the plane. I happily went to one of the Duty Free establishments with the intention of purchasing a carton of cigs for my own consumption. The Sales girl denied my purchase and told me that Singaporean law does not allow anyone to bring in any cigs into the country...WHAT THE FUCK is wrong with this country? Upon inquiring further, they told me that there are special earmarked zones for smoking....have to smoke inside a yellow box if its inside a building...WHAT KINDA SOHAI rule is this? Does it mean that if I smoke inside a "so called" yellow zone the smoke does not transmit to the clean zone thru the atmosphere? Might as well stop all the traffic in K-Land loh.....breathing Carbon Monoxide is much more damaging on the lungs maaaa...Holy Mother Of God!

I was also informed that they have legalised prostitution here....HAHAAHAHA. Stop the public from smoking and encourage rampant sex....tiunyaseng! What a country...I 110% tabik la....

I have to end my lamblasting of Kiasu Land right now as there are still lotsa funny rules and regulation that exist here which cannot be written down as it will take up too much espace and time.

The quote "UNIQUELY SINGAPORE" really explains about the piece of land that was formerly known as a part of Malaya. Thank God they chose to fuck off without being asked to leave.....not bad huh? for a "Re-pubic" that still has to buy water from Bolehland..........HAHAHAHAHAHA

2 every1 his/her OWN.....................

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Friday, June 15, 2007

Love, Marriage & Divorce

To all my married and unmarried friends ( faithful or unfaithful ), the below is for you guys/gals....................................

On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stopped in front of our one room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms and into our home to be. She was then plump and shy. I was a strong and happy bridegroom. This was the scene ten years ago.

The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water....we had a kid.....I went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets were steadily increasing, the affection between us seemed to ebb. She was a civil servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school. Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy but the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.

Then came Dew into my life. It was a sunny day as I stood on a spacious balcony when Dew hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love. This was the apartment I bought for her. Dew said, "you are the kind of man who best draw a girls' eyes"

Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife......

When we were just married, my wife said, "men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to women". Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife but I couldn't help doing so. I moved Dew's hands aside and said "Darling, is it possible that you go alone to select some furniture? I've got something urgent to do". Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised to do it together with her. At that particular moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible to me.

However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt. Honestly, she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner while I was sitting in front of the TV or I parking myself before the computer, visualizing Dew's body. This was the means of my daily home entertainment.

One day I said to her in a jokingly way, suppose we were to divorce, what will you do? She stared at me for a few seconds without a word. Apparently she believed that divorce was something impossible. I couldn't imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious.

Once when my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while talking to her. She seemed to have got some hint. She gently smiled at my subordinates..........I read some hurt in her eyes. Again, Dew said to me, Darling, divorce her, O.K.? Then we can live together........I nodded because I knew that I could not hesitate any more.

Later that night when the last dish was served, I held her hand and said "I've got something to tell you Dear"............. She sat down and ate quietly.....for that brief moment I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth but I had to let her know what I was thinking........I want a divorce. I raised the topic slowly. She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly........why? I avoided her question. This so-called action of mine made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man!

That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage but I know couldn't give her a satisfactory answer because my heart had gone to Dew.

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. It ws then that I felt pain in my heart. The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one day........I could not have taken back what was said. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a form of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be getting firmer and clearer. That particular night I caught her writing something but I pretended not to see and immediately got into bed. When I woke up, I found her sleeping at the table.....again I pretended not to see and turned over to continue my sleep.

In the morning, she brought up her divorce conditions:
- she didn't want anything from me,
- but I was supposed to give her one month's time before divorce,
- and in the month's time we must live as normal a life as possible.

Her reason was simple:
our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she didn't want him to see our marriage was broken. She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, "Dear, do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day?"

This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me. I nodded and said, I remember.....

"You carried me in your arms", she continued, so, I have a requirement, which is :
You must carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. From now until the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning......I readily accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage romantically.

I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd..."No matter what tricks she has up her sleeves, she has to face the divorce!!", she said scornfully. Dew's words me feel uncomfortable.

My wife and I hadn't had not have any body contact since my divorce intentions were explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as strangers. So much so when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, "Daddy is holding Mummy in his arms"........his words brought me a sense of pain.

From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, "Let us start from today, don't tell our son"...... I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for a bus, I drove to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this intimate side of my wife for a long, long time. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on her face.

On the third day, she whispered to me, "the outside garden is being careful when you pass there".

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. The visualization of Dew became vague.

On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc. I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger. I didn't tell Dew about this. I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her "It seems not that difficult to carry you now".

One day while I was waiting to carry her out, I saw her picking through her dresses........she tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, "all my dresses have grown bigger".........I could not do anything except smile. It was then that I realized why I could carry her easily....she was THINNER and not because I was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt an awesome sense of pain. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head. Our son came in at the moment yelling at the top of his voice........ "Daddy, it's time to carry mum out". To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day. Her lighter weight made me sad.

When the last day of our agreement came, I hardly could move a step while I her her in my arms!!!! Our son had gone to school. It was then that she said, "On our wedding day I was actually hoping that you will hold me in your arms until we are old"...... I held her tightly and said, " both of us didn't notice that our life lacked intimacy". I profusely apologise while I left her behind, jumped in my car and sped off.

I knew where I was going, where I had to be. Reached my destination in record time, jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door as I was afraid that any delay would make me change my decision. I ran upstairs towards Dew's apartment and knocked.

Dew opened the door.......I said to her, "Sorry, Dew, I won't divorce my wife".

She looked at me, astonished. Then she touched my forehead and said ..."You've got no fever Darling". I moved her hand off my head and repeated that I won't divorce my wife. My marriage life was boring probably because wifey and I didn't value the simple details of life, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold and take care of them until I am old. Dew seemed to suddenly wake up...... gave me a hard slap, slammed the door and burst into tears.

I walked downstairs and drove to the office....stopped at the floral shop on the way, ordered a bouquet for my wife arranged with her favourite flowers. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card.....

I smiled and wrote, "I'll carry you out every morning until we are old"

Food for thought huh? 2 every1 his/her OWN.........................

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Thursday, June 14, 2007

Malaysians Boleh!

Let's start with some simple calculations. In Malaysia, the average family income is RM3,000 /month (where father works, mother doesn't).

I understand there are many families whose monthly income does not reach RM3,000, but, to make things simple, let's take RM3,000 as the figure....can lah right?

Okay, let's start rolling with a family which has Papa, Mama, 1 daughter and 1 son. Ngam-ngam .... Calculation starts...

Electricity and water bill: RM100 (No air-con, No home theatre, No water heater ... ok?)

Phone bill ( Telekom): RM100

Meals for a happy family: RM775 (3 meals on RM25/day, RM25 for 4 persons...?)

Papa makan/teh-tarik during working hrs: RM155 (RM5/day, RM5 ... can eat what?)

Car repayment: RM400 (A freaking junk on 7 - 9 years repayment period)

Petrol (living in city, traffic-jam): RM300 (go to work, bring son to school, only can afford one
car running...fucking conservative figure)

Insurance: RM650 (God knows why people buy)

House repayment: RM750 (low cost housing repayment for 30 yrs, retired still have to sell arse to pay...fulat!)

Tuition: RM80 (got that cheap meh? i don't think so)

Older children pocket money @ school: RM20 (RM1/day, apa boleh buat...makan roti loh)

School fees: RM30(enough ah?)

Misc expenditure for school : RM100 (schools always have something going on....some donation shit or some charity drive to raise funds )

Younger children milk powder: RM50 (cannot have the DHA, BHA, PHA one, expensive ma)

Miscellaneous: RM100 (shampoo, rice, sauce, toilet paper and lucky I botak so can save on hair cut...ptui!!!!)

Oh wait!!! I have to stop here or someone will have to start selling their arse to get more money............So, if based on the above calculation, most will have...........
No Astro,
no movie @ cinema,
no DVD, no CD,
no online,
cannot eat KFC ( can smell only ),
cannot McDonald ( can smell only )....etc.

Let's use a calculator to total up... WALAO EH! Shit! RM3,610 already ar? FULAT!...EPF belum potong, income tax belum potong........oledi RM3,610 ...and I didn't fucking factor in the freaking Samy Toll Rates yet.......

How to survive lah???

Our Goverment still has the fucking cheek to ask us to change our lifestyle? How to change? Don't eat? Don't work? Don't shit? Don't send children to school and study?

I also believe that the average income of most Malaysian won't even touch RM 3,000 per month ( with both partners working!! )

What the fuck is this laaaa?

Is this what we call Malaysia Boleh... Sorry..... it should be Malaysians Boleh, simply for the fucking fact that we're still alive and kicking in Bolehland............

And the best joke is that the powers that be is trying their level best to revert us back to Agricultural status....WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!! I feel sorry for the S.O.B's in power.....bunch of Sohai(s).....

Like they say in Rome... "We Who Are About To Die.....SALUTE YOU ( with my middle finger )".....

No wonder the banks are acting like Ah Loongs easy to give out loans ( just sell your freaking arse only ma )...tiu!

2 every1 his/her OWN..........................

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This year has been quite hectic for me so far.....and will be getting super fulat worse as the year goes by............

Was wondering if I can actually go for the hoilday with my family this year end as planned? Wifey has been giving me earfulls lately. In fact I just got into a quarrel with her last Friday....something that I didn't do for a long, long time. I am starting to miss my kids, miss watching them grow up, miss asking them " how is school today", miss wrestling with them ( and wifey on the bed ), etc, etc.........

I don't actually plan anything nowadays. To be able to take leave from work is considered a luxury. With that said, I sincerely hope that my plan of taking my wife for a shopping binge in Bangkok materializes....don't have the freaking guts to tell my wife because I have let her down too many times because of work commitment(s).

Fuck, I even miss my group of brothers......miss having teh tarik, miss going to the watering hole with them, miss goofing off.......shit and double shit!

Sometimes I wonder if everything is worth it......................No doubt that all of us have to work to survive but is it worth it?

2 every1 his/her OWN..........................

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Promises, Promises

Once upon a time there lived a beautiful Queen with voluptuous breasts.

Nick the Dragon Slayer was obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try.

One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, the King's chief doctor.Horatio thought about this and said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it. Without pause Nick readily agreed to the scheme.

The next day, Horatio made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's brassiere while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense.

Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Nick would work as the antidote to cure the itch.

The King quickly summoned Nick. Horatio then slipped Nick the antidote for the itching powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's voluptuous and magnificent breasts.

The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick left satisfied and hailed as a hero.

Upon returning to his chamber, Nick found Horatio demanding his payment of 1000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick couldn't have cared less and, knowing that Horatio could never report this matter to the King, and with a laugh told him to get lost.

The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's underwear.

The King immediately summoned Nick.

The moral of the story -

"Keep Your Freaking Promise!"

2 every1 his/her OWN...................

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Sunday, June 10, 2007

Students & Teachers

Another good one from my bro Fung Yew....................

One Night 4 College Students Were Playing Till Late Night and Didn't Study For The Test Which Was Scheduled For The Next Day.

In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look asdirty and weird with grease and dirt. They then went up to the Dean and said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tyre of their car burst and they had to push the car all the wayback and that they were in no condition to appear for the test.

So the Dean said they can have the re-test after 3 days. They thanked him and said they will be ready by that time. On the third day they appeared before the Dean.

The Dean said that as this was a Special Condition Test, All four were required to sit in separate classrooms for the test.They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last 3 days.

The Test consisted of 2 questions with the total of 100 Marks.

Q.1. Your Name........ ......... ........( 2 MARKS)

Q.2. Which tyre burst ?........... ....(98 MARKS)
a) Front Left
b) Front Right
c) Back Left
d) Back Right

Woooohooohooohoooo.....2 every1 his/her own

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Saturday, June 02, 2007


Received this from a brother ( thanks Fung Yew ) of mine recently and thought of posting it in my and learn..........

Martin wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.

He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed... Martin looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house.

He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table. "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love You!"... So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper.

His son is also at the table, eating.Martin asks, "Son, what happened last night?"...

His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."

Confused, Martin asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me? I should expect a big quarrel with her!"...

His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your clothes and shoes off, you said, "Lady leave me alone! I'm married!...

Moral of the story:-

Self-induced hangover - $ 100.00
Broken furniture - $ 3,000.00
Breakfast - $ 10.00
Saying the Right Things While Drunk -PRICELESS...


2 every1 his/her own...................

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