ASS ( Attention Seeking Syndrome )

Inky Binky Bongkey,

Everyone hated the Donkey/Ass,

Donkey/Ass Die,

Everyone cry ( and laugh thereafter ),

Inky Binky Bonkey....

Above poem is the modified version from the famous children sing-a-long poem....had to modify it to suit the post...hehehehehe..

What is a Donkey/Ass?

Cambridge's definition = noun [C]an animal like a small horse with long ears

Oxford's definition = noun (pl. donkeys)

1 a domesticated hoofed mammal of the horse family with long ears and a braying call.

2 informal a foolish person.

Oxford's definition of ASS = noun 1 a donkey or similar horse-like animal with long ears and a braying call.

2 ( informal ) a foolish or stupid person.
— ORIGIN Latin asinus.

For this post I will probably stick to the word "Ass"......simply because it sounds better, its befitting the Ass's actions, the bugger brays like an Ass, etc...

How assinine can someone get?

Duuuuh...depends on a person I would say....but I know that Asses are born and not bred...woooohoooo. You CANNOT and NO WAY IN HELL be trained to be an Ass...You must be born an Ass to excel the part.

Are Asses big headed, stubborn, selfish and self centred?

For me its YUP...Asses are difficult creatures to work with...they can be very, very self centred, selfish and big headed and they tend to cover their own ass by putting someones ass on the line.

SOLUTION : KEEP ONES FINGERS CROSSED AND HOPE THAT THE POWERS THAT BE KNOW WHAT IS THE TRUE PICTURE

How do you communicate with an Ass?

Let it be on record that I myself tried communicating with the Ass but failed miserably. Others have been known to try and fail. The Ass in question throws a tantrum and ran back to his/her Mama complaining about how right he/she was and how the whole world ganged up on him/her.
SOLUTION: SHOOT THE ASS IN THE HEAD AND THE ASS

How do you define an Ass is good or bad?

Define? There's no method known by man on how to define that a particular Ass is GOOD or BAD. The Ass will generally define himself/herself as a very GOOD performer and announce to the world and his/her Mama.

SOLUTION : LEAVE THE ASS ALONE TO HIS/HER FAIRYTALE WORLD

Idioms of an Ass

a) be on someone's ass = to annoy someone by always watching what they are doing and criticizing/pin pointing them

b) ass-kisser (American, taboo!) = kiss (someone's) ass - to try too hard to please someone and to agree with everything they say, in a way which other people find unpleasant.

c) cover your ass = to make sure that you cannot be blamed or criticized later for something

d) make an ass of yourself - to behave in a way that makes you or an organization look foolish

e) someone's ass is on the line (American, very informal!) - if someone's ass is on the line, they are in a situation where they will be blamed if things go wrong.

For me the below is the clincher...the mother of all idioms for an Ass..

f) a pain in the ass - someone or something that is very annoying.

Example 1 : He/She doesn't win cases — he/she just makes such a pain in the ass of himself/herself that opponents give up.

Example 2 : He/She acts like all the people he/she works with are a pain in the Ass.

There are many more idioms that can be used here but I will leave it as it is.....

Acronyms of an Ass

ASS = Attention Seeking Syndrome

ASS = Alien Space Ship

ASS = All Star Survivor

ASS = A Super Star

The list is endless....try coming up with your own and type it in the post reply..heheheheh ( should be fun!!! )

I have since rested my case but I assure you that someone will get their Ass Kicked if he/she tries to put my Ass on the line in order for him/her to look good....110% guarantee that he/she will get their Ass chewed as well! Don't even dare try to fuck me in the Ass...!!!

2 every1 his/her OWN............................

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He ain't heavy, he's my Brother

This is my friend, this is my Brother. He has been staying in Sudan for about 2.5 years now working on a Project called The Melut Basin Development Project which consist of 2 Operation Base Camps and 2 Central Processing Facility for Oil in Al-Jabalyn and Palogue.

Normally in BolehLand a group of us brothers will gather at our favourite mamak place called Salim, in Section 17 every Saturday without fail……we still have our usual get together but its not the same without the bugger.

Special circumstances forced Alvin to Sudan….circumstances that I would rather not mention but I am glad that he has decided to rough things out by going to the hell hole in order to settle his problems…..for that I salute him.

He told me that he will come back to Malaysia upon the expiration of his passport ( another 2.5 years )…..can’t come back now cause the Income Tax Department is looking for him….hehehehehhe.

For his R&R ( Rest and Relax ) he will normally go to Thailand…that’s where his GF, Mandy is…..Mandy is hell of a nice…I like her a lot. She is from Bangkok, an entrepreneur who has seen everything, has everything and lost everything in the economy glut recently. One thing I can say about Mandy is that she is damn hardworking and tough….I sincerely hope that they will have the chance to settle down after what they have been thru.

Alvin, all the bothers namely, Simon, Ah Tung, Chi Meng, Sei Koh, etc miss goofing off with you.....hope this will change in another 2.5 years.

Take care bro.....till then.....2 every1 his/her OWN

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Ooops! Someone Died...again

Why does all this shit happen to me? Why is that someone always dies when I come here ( Sudan )?

Last time it was John Garang ( PM ) and now its one of their ministers.....I think its the Health Minister. It seems that he/she was assasinated at home yesterday night. Couldn't get any sleep at all because of the blaring sirens in front of my hotel ( please read "On The Road Again" ).

Shit! now I will have trouble getting out fron this hell hole.....Army and Police roadblocks have been tripled. I have been advised to go to the airport as early as possible so that they can take time own sweet time to search my arse.....have to go buy some KY asap. Aiyoooo....forgot that today is Friday and everything is closed in Sudan...there goes my arse!

Its funny that I have not seen any news at all in CNN or NBC regarding this assasination....wonder why is it being kept hush hush? Have to keep looking around my back while writing this post because of the sensitivity of the situation at hand........for all you guys that know me or want to know me...keep an eye out in the internet to see if I appear with the famous words" I don't want to die" before getting my freaking throat slit..hehehehehe...remember to call my wifey as well ( call after that and NOT now ok? ).

As I have said before and I will say again...this is a shit hole of a country! Petronas buggers are being paid USD180 per day to come to this shit hole....happy to sat that I am being paid way much higher than them.....a big fat 200....RM200 per day!!! WAAAHOOOO!!! rich liao la this time...WAAHOOOO....no need to work for life liao...so much, so much moolah...what can I do with it?...aaheem..sorry for blabbering out of control guys/gals...aaheem..ok, to continue with my post...here goes..

To tell you guys the truth, its not about the money ( but I wished I could be paid a higher allowance ) that I took up this assignment....its about the experience. Wifey was initially protesting like hell but luckily I managed to explain to her that I was not going to sow my seeds here but just to gain some experience....how to sow ones seeds here? the freaking AIDS count is sohai...errr...so high.Moreover, I wouldn't like a part of my anatomy to be chopped off right? Don't forget that Sudan is an Islamic country and they are very, very extremist in nature.

In spite of that, I can see many changes around here....changes in the mindset of the youunger generation....at night you can see people walking around, holding hands and there has been instances that I have seen people "duk duk"ing in their cars ( duk duk = having sex, screwing, f*&king ). It is my sincere hope that Sudan will undergo positive changes in another 10 years or so.....changes for the betterment of her people, for the betterment of their well being, etc.

For now, a few of my colleagues and I have no choice but to face the situation at hand whenever we come.......however, the experiences that we gain of different cultures and eye popping incidences has been great.

2 every1 his/her OWN.......................

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I hear The Bells Go Ding Dong

Took the excerpt from and email I received recently ( thanks Robert )....quite hilarious when ones imagination is invoked.....I know that I will not help smiling the next time I hear the church bell ring ( and I know that I will go to hell for this )................

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her Grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and Slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."

She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive today if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.....2 every1 his/her OWN

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Sudan Revisited and Unplugged

Finally....Day 2 in Sudan...still damn poofed out from the trip here....

DAY 1
7 hour flight to Dubai....spent 9 hours of transit time waiting for the freaking connecting flight to Khartoum...thereafter a 4 hour plus flight to this God forsaken hell hole....aarrrggg!

Stepped outta da plane and immediately took a step back...sheeesh! the freaking temp was about 42 Degree C! was sweating like a wet dog in the arrival hall.....what with queing up 1 hour plus just to get my passport stamped and another 1 hour waiting for my luggage......

Luckily my driver was waiting for me by the time I got everything settled......went to a place called Little Asia ( supposedly the best place in town ) for din-din...ordered egg fried rice which cost Sudanese Dinar 4000 ( about RM35 ) and a a glass of orange juice ( SD 1500 = RM 18 )....the food has 2 types of taste over here....bad or damn bad...mine was bad.

DAY 2
Woke up feeling like I drank 3 bottles of Chivas.....went to the toilet but nothing came out ( must have turned hard because of the heat ). Took a shower of hot scalding water cause there are only 2 temp settings here...yup, you guesssed it, hot or scalding hot! maaaan, can feel my balls turning half boiled after about 2 minutes under the shower. Jumped out and finished the bath by wiping myself down with a wet towel.

My driver came and picked me up for the frustrating journey to Ranhill where I was to get some payment for my company. Traffic was as usual.....bad! felt myself pressing the imaginary emergency brake quite a number of times ( just like when my wifey learnt how to drive...hehehehe ) before reaching the place 2 hours later.....chin chonged for a bit, presented my case and left for Emirates to confirm my workers flight home.

Was totally drained by 4.00 pm ( 9.00 pm Malaysian Time )...reached the hotel at 4.30 and managed to retrive some emails before writing this post.....which by know, felt like I have drank 6 bottles of Chivas....

No strength left, enemies are closing in on every quarter, low on ammo and no reinforcements in sight....the only Black Hawk got shot down earlier today.....hafta sign out from Ground Zero now....will continue the report tomorrow if conditions allow....how I envy you guys back in BolehLand......zzzzZZZzzzzZZZzzzzz....

2 every1 his/her OWN

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