Friday, July 27, 2007

Beauty of Banks and Ah Loongs

Money, Money, Money....always sunny...it's a rich man's world....I doubt if most of you can recall the hum"able" tune from Boney M's hit single ( it was a hit in our father's time and ...err..my time as well ).

Money...there will never be enough of Money right? what with the situation nowadays.....
in comes the Banks and the so called "Licensed Money Lenders" aka Big Ear Hole aka Ah Loong.

Banks - I rest my case with them....credit checks la, CITOS la, whatchumacalit shit la. One has to prepare tons of personal documents for submission before they even consider giving you a loan. The Goverment's instruction to them for providing loans to SMI's are just pure bullshit! What SMI are they talking about? should just say that SMI = Cronies la...don't insult the public's intelligence by saying that a certain RM50 million has been allocated for the developement of so and so sector la....thats utter nonsense!

How does the banks expect the local Joe to come up with a market survey, proposed marketing strategy, forecast of P & L and so forth prior to even considering their application....??!!

In comes the Licensed Money Lenders with super attractive terms..e.g. no interest charged, you get what you borrow, flexible repayment period, etc.

FYI, I have personally sat with 30 or more Ah Loongs for a kau kau "table talk" session....and NO...it was not me who borrowed the moolah but a former employee of mine who did it. He started with a sum of RM5,000 which ended up to a beautiful final lump sum of RM 75,000++...nice way of making money huh?

The Ah Loong's Modus Operandi is like this:
1) borrow from 1st Ah Loong = RM5,000..payment RM300 interest per day cut off time 12 noon everyday
2) let's say that the average Joe manages to pay the interest of RM300 for 2 weeks without fail and after that cannot pay liao.

3) along comes 3 Ah Loongs who offers to cover up your borrowings from the 1st Ah Loong BUT you have to borrow RM7,000 to cover to RM5,000.
4) They tell you that they will personally settle the first Ah Loong and give you some extra cash in return...let's say RM800.

Now you owe the Ah Loongs RM8,000 instead of RM5,000 whereby the Ah Loong's actual exposure is only RM1,600 BECAUSE
Regular Joe paid 2 weeks without fail at RM300 per day = RM4,200
Therefore:
RM4,200 deduct initial borrowings of RM5,000 = RM 800 balance
ADD RM800 that the regular Joe received while concluding the 2nd loan = RM1,600
AND THEY ARE ALL FROM THE SAME COMPANY.....see the beauty of it?

So, anyone wanna become an Ah Loong? Exposure RM 1,600 only BUT returns RM8,000 minimum....so good ma.....and guarantee the stoopid bugger cannot pay wan...so your returns can go into the tens of thousands liao...wooooohoooooooo!!!!

Take note that its very, very easy to reach RM75,000 from just an initial borrowing of RM5,000.....don't believe me? care to give it a try?

I also know of some bugger who gave the Ah Loongs his car to drive ( as collateral woh ptui! ) in order to get a loan. He ended up losing his car.

Another stoooopid bugger gave them the birth certificate of his son....what kinda sohai is this? By doing that he can even ask his mother, sister or wife to prostitute themselves for him right? Bloody inhuman sonofabitch! His matter is not solved yet as of this posting.

Most of the people who borrow from Ah Loong ( that I personally know of ) is for the use of gambling and womanizing....ptuuui!!!!

I don't blame the Ah Loongs...no one forces anyone to borrow money right?....heck, blame the the Ah Loong's fear factor method of collection even but DO NOT blame them for lending money.

We should in fact blame the fucking BolehLand Banks for their ease in lending money ( to their cronies ) and we should 100% blame the BolehLand Goverment's stooooopid laws and guidelines imposed on the banks....go fly kite in the rain and get yourselves struck by lightning la.

Bottom line is....never ever borrrow from Ah Loongs....guaranteed one way, no return highway to hell.

anyway its 2 every1 his/her OWN.........................




2 comments:

marsha said...

wow! clap clap clap clap! you can really count, man! ecuali, le manks in malayshia also ah-loongs wat. oni mor cibilaisd oni. i oso yus to be ah-loong in mank, you no?

Jamie said...

i know u used to be big time ah loong cuz...collection problem onli, thats why u retired fom ah loong"ing" maaaa..hehehe